strawberrysorbae | Holly Heights

If that's the case... I imagine it must get a little boring sometimes, to play, if no one else can beat you. Or if everyone just stops trying.

Are those two people here, in Holly Heights?

One of them is! [she smiles fondly at the thought.] Kuroko Tetsuya. I don't know if you've met him, he's...kind of hard to notice. Blue hair, kind of short for a basketball player. His partner, Kagami, isn't here, and neither is the "maybe", Akashi.

[she looks at her half-empty glass, swirling the liquid inside just to give her something to do with her hands.] I think more than he was bored, he was frustrated, but. I'm not really familiar with the feeling; I'm not really good at anything that you could consider being beaten in.

Edited 2015-06-29 04:52 (UTC)

I've met him. Kuroko-kun, that is. He's pretty quiet...

[but then that's a familiar statement. not so much in context, but with the feeling that falls raw under it.]

[he tries to canvas the situation and see if it ... calls for anything more.]

Why do you say that?

[her gaze slides to the side, and she weighs her words before speaking.] I'm just a manager. I contribute to the team, and I get upset when we lose, but. I'm not really contributing to that victory, not in the same way Daichan is. I feel like I am not the one winning or losing, I'm just. There.

[it's kind of hard to articulate exactly what the feeling is.] I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make much sense.

[..well, that was heavy]

[makoto leans back on his chair until he's slumping a bit, unsure on how to -- empathise, without taking away from her words. feelings are important to a person and it's no use trying to mold them into something else to try and fix a narrative. her feelings come from somewhere, no matter how dark; they too need validation, but form the right parties.]

I... find that managers are an important part of a team.

[he starts carefully, looking over at her]

It's true that managers don't actively participate during matches or competitions, or probably don't practice the sport, but a team could easily come undone with a shoddy one. If... you feel like that, wouldn't it be right to talk to your team about it?

[she leans forward, resting her chin in one of her hands as she looks at makoto.]

Unfortunately, I'm not really in the position to have that conversation. I was accepted as the manager to babysit Daichan, and while I can tell that I make contributions to the team because of my talents, it doesn't change the fact that when I'm not there, they talk about how my job is merely to try and keep a handle on their most troublesome player.

[it's...a complicated position. they're only too happy to take her notes and listen to what she has to say when it gets to be crunch time, but that doesn't change how the rest of them talk about her when she's out trying to keep an eye on aomine and get him to come to practice.]

[is aomine-kun really that much trouble?]

--but, that's important, isn't it? Without your influence, Aomine-kun wouldn't be supporting his team at all. And without him, it's not the team they're expecting to be.

[he's trying to understand this, piece by piece]

Mm, you're right about that much, even if it is kind of a weird team. They aren't really a cohesive unit, just...lots of strong players who prefer to do things their own way, and whoever is the strongest has the most say-so and power. That's why Aomine can get away with so much despite just being a first year. He didn't show up until the very end of the first half in our inter-high match against Seirin.

[the answer to your question is yes, makoto. he absolutely is that much trouble.]

Is that... a really healthy way to work as a team...?

[makoto has his questions; his team is pretty tight. samezuka is pretty tight, too. none of them would dream about being late for any competition.]

But I'm guessing that with that kind of attitude, your contribution has to be important.

Nope, not even a little! [she laughs, and although it's a bit self deprecating, it's genuine.] They figured it out eventually. The united Seirin team was able to take them down and show them that the sum of a thing can be greater than it's parts.

[for a moment, she falls quiet, looking at her glass and the condensation beading on the outside.] I just...want to be more than his babysitter. I love Daichan more than anyone, but...I want to stand on my own, too. Sometimes it just feels like it's too late.

[...]

[he wants satsuki to be able to put this into her own words, because sometimes having a feeling about something deters from actual action--and both might not even be significantly related to one and the other.]

Why does it feel like it's too late?

[is this what talking to a therapist is like?]

I made my choice, didn't I? I went to the same school as him, and I'm still acting as manager of Touou's team. Girls my age already have the things they're good at, and have spent lots of time honing their skills. [she rubs her forehead.] Maybe that's why I like working at the sports center so much. There's not enough people on any one sport to have teams in the traditional sense, so I'm getting to help lots of different people with lots of different things.

But, Satsuki-chan.

[...tries to word this right]

You're working at honing those skills you have. Perhaps not with your team, but a variety of people to work with gives you more experience by moving away from something you were comfortable in. Isn't that making progress, in trying to define yourself as a manager?

[aww, he called her satsuki-chan, that's so cute. but beside the point.]

[she closes her eyes, letting his words ring in her head, and she hopes he understands that she's just thinking and not blocking him out or something. there were times she felt so stifled as aomine's manager that she wanted to scream, and while it wasn't necessarily anything anyone did and she didn't love him any less for it, it was a box she'd been in since childhood.]

I think you're right. Being here, I feel like I'm getting to work with people who are excited to have my skills and experience at their disposal. I'm an important part of the sports center team, and being able to kind of focus on my own thing is reminding me that I can take this skill and turn it into something worthwhile that will serve me for the rest of my life.

Yes. It might be... perhaps a sad thing to say, but you won't always stay with the same team. With graduation, and different opportunities coming up for everyone... You can't force yourself to follow a dream that matches someone else's.

[granted, he doesn't exactly know the relationship between momoi and aomine perfectly, but he's been there.]

[afraid that he sounds selfish and unempathetic, he clarifies,]

My best friend, I've known him since I was a baby. We've always been neighbours [until holly heights, but] and we've always done things together like brothers. He's an extremely talented swimmer, and... while I'm not like him, I also swim. It was easy during school, but with graduation around the corner--I had to make a choice. As much as I want to swim with him, because it's meaningless without him, realistically I couldn't keep comparing myself to him nor think I could follow to have a similar dream in competitive swimming.

[...nervously frets with his hands, looking down, then up, then to the side.]

We have to think about ourselves first. It doesn't mean we're not going to be friends anymore, but there are strengths you can use to achieve real goals that will make you happy.

[momoi is quiet while makoto speaks, letting his words wash over her and paint a picture in her mind. when he finishes, she smiles, reaching out to rest one of her hands over his on the table.]

Thank you, Makoto-kun. I feel really honored that you shared your story with me. [and she's being 100 percent sincere.]

I'm not very good at thinking about myself, but from what I know of you, that's probably not something you're a natural at either. I've...been doing myself a disservice, I think, by not giving myself the time and effort necessary to bloom. I've just been working to make everyone else better, and not myself. That's something I need to change.

[his smile is sincere, and it only lights up more at the affectionate touch. makoto's about this kind of response, about this kind of validation, physical or otherwise. he's glad momoi has taken his talk well, and that it has helped her reach her own conclusions.]

I don't-- think it's wrong to work towards making everyone else better. It's just important that we remember ourselves as part of that growth, too.

[a pause, and he hesitates before patting her hand with his free hand a few times before settling back against his chair]

You're a wonderful person, and you're exceptionally skilled. Imagine what you could do if you change how you take things on a bit. [a shake of his head] I don't think anyone would hold it against you if you did that.

You're absolutely right.

[just like to him, this kind of validation is so important to her, and is something she thinks she needs to seek more actively in others instead of just providing it. kise does an excellent job, but...with how their relationship has been developing, maybe it's time she learns to find it in aomine as well.]

And thank you, that means so much to hear from you. I admire Makoto-kun a great deal. [she smiles at him.] I really want to become the kind of person who is really, truly happy with what they've decided to do with their life, and I feel like I have a better idea of how to go about that now.

[he's only happy to help, and he's glad that she feels somehow validated in her beliefs and standings as of now]

And if things get rough at any point, remember you can count on your friends. Alright?

Holly Heights | Mailbox

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